Trim-Life(R) Comes to AB & Associates

Trim-Life ® is officially launched! I am really happy to report that our first group began with a 2.5 hour meeting dedicated to helping individuals release weight! As an individual who has struggled with weight issues her whole life, it makes me take a step back and wonder how many other people out there are offered and accept negative messages about themselves. How many other people are taught archaic and guilt-inducing values about food that cause them to over-eat. Ever have an older brother or sister that called you “chubby? “ “Tons-of-fun?” Okay, I will accept the tons of fun part but not in the connotation that it was offered. It’s quite probable that those negative messages we receive and accept into our subconscious were not meant maliciously by the people who love us the most, but the ill effects are certainly ingrained over the course of a lifetime. “Eat everything on your plate; there are starving children in Africa.” “You will sit at that table and eat every bite of your food!” (Can someone please tell me where the dog is? It’s dinner time!), “If you eat all your peas, you can have dessert.” Okay, now let’s use sweet high-in-carbs, sugars, etc. as rewards for obedience. Oh Brother!!! I am wondering the long-term effects sweet candy and cookies will have on behavioral therapy recipients. Aside from dental anxiety and high dentist bills, what are we teaching our youth about food? Specifically, candy? Trim-Life ® is a heart-centered program designed to help an individual release weight. It utilizes a combination of hypnosis, education, group therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. At our office, it is five weeks long, two hours per session. Participants have the opportunity to involve themselves in additional monthly support therapy. Throughout the process, we introduce creative ways to eat delicious, healthy foods too (whoever heard of a weight release program that serves snacks!). Programs are ongoing. Our next round or Trim-Life® begins in February on Thursday evenings. Trim-Life, because it is a therapeutic program, may be reimbursable through your insurance! Feel free to call the office if you are interested and by all means, give the gift of health for Valentine’s Day!

Forgiveness is NOT the F Word

Nobody is perfect. We are all human beings with varying capacities for many things. We all have gifts; we all have innate buried treasures that we have yet to discover. But what is this thing called, “forgiveness?” In a therapeutic environment, it is not unusual to spend days and weeks on this very topic without making mention of this word. Not a day goes by that we are all not dealing with pain. Pain of loss, death, divorce, feeling out of control, aging parents, sandwich generation challenges, not being accepted for who we are, family of origin pain, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, illness, fear, you name it, we all have to deal with it. Sometimes dealing with the choices other people make also causes us pain. You see, we are all intricately connected to each other. When I drop my pebble in the pond, it affects those around me. The good news is, if we leave ourselves open to the lesson, we all learn something through our adversities. For our own emotional wellbeing, forgiveness gets us to the other side. Forgiveness does NOT mean you have to return to a situation that no longer serves you. Forgiveness takes work and yes, sometimes the task includes letting go. Letting go of people, letting go of jobs, letting go of situations, letting go of pain; releasing, relaxing, forgiving, and letting go. That key that we all search for, that key that appears to be so elusive, so mystical is not really all that mystical. Forgiveness begins with you. Forgive yourself first. Tell yourself every day that you forgive you. That’s where the work begins – with you. Have a great day! Annette L Becklund www.AnnetteLBecklund.com

What's Next After the Diagnosis?

So many parents I have had the opportunity to work with share stories of the first time they learned their child was on the spectrum. There is always a range of emotions from intense grief to intense relief and every imaginable feeling in-between. Whatever the feelings, it is important to remember, that your feelings are valid. With that being said, the best way to move forward may be a trip on the LOVE BOAT. How about we end with talking about the “LOVE” and start with the “BOAT.” This isn’t an article about that show from the 70’s but when trying to remember what steps to take and what direction to go in, acronyms sometimes help. If you like maps, you will know that getting to a destination is much easier if you know how to get there. B – Breathe. Deal with your feelings first. Whatever those feelings are – and those emotions range and change and you can certainly feel relief while also being in a state of sad or angry or all of the above. The statistics on Autism are rising, particularly in New Jersey. There is certainly a reason for that. You have to decide how important the “Why” is and if you want to go off in that direction or if you want to spend your time and energy building on the strengths that may exist in your current situation. Surrounding yourself with positive people and positive organizations can make a world of difference. O- Oxygen. This is certainly complimentary to the idea of breathing. Remember the metaphor of the airplane movie we all watch prior to take-off. PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST BEFORE YOU HELP ANYONE ELSE. Parents best serve their children by helping themselves first. This is about dealing with your feelings and also taming the “committee” that resides in your mind as well as the well meaning “armchair quarterbacks” who may tell you that your child is not Autistic, or have Asperger’s, that they just need discipline. A-Action Plan. Get yourself a binder to keep your resources and therapies and professional opinions organized. There will be evaluations, opinions, educational plans (which vary according to each individual child), resources, suggestions, etc. You may want to enlist the help of a “case manager” or social worker to help coordinate your family’s care. Assemble then, your team of professionals according to what feels right to you. You know your child better than anyone else. Multiple therapies at once can be extremely overwhelming and may take you back to your “oxygen” phase. Decide which priorities are most important for your child and family’s well being. Therapies may consist of occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, social skills/group therapy, early intervention (depending on the age of your child). If your child has issues with food, then you may want to enlist the services of a feeding team (there is one offered by Children’s Specialized Hospital that is just wonderful). Read as much as you can – from positive sources such as Tony Attwood or John Ortiz. You might also read books by authors who are on the spectrum such as Temple Grandin, Stephen Mark Shore, William Stillman, John Elder Robison, and more. In order to understand your loved one, reading from a person on the spectrum’s perspective can be very helpful. Attending a workshop or talk offered by someone on the spectrum can be invaluable. It dispels any “doom and gloom” you may read on the internet or hear from the professionals who never met your child. Surround yourself with success stories so you know that with love and support, your child’s development has potential to be explored and appreciated. T-Team Up. Begin to identify the individuals in your life who are supportive and positive. Nothing positive will come from being negative. After facilitating numerous grandparent groups, it is apparent that grandma and grandpa can offer unconditional love and acceptance a lot of the time when parents are tired and/or need time to be a couple. If you find your child’s grandparents are supportive, then be sure to keep them in the loop of what is happening in treatment. Make sure you “fire up” your team with mom and dad first. Remember that you are a couple and make time for you. It’s the “oxygen thing.” Keep the conversation on the two of you and try hard not to talk about the kids. Maintain your sense of humor. James Thurber put it this way, “Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.” Locate parent support groups whose values appear congruent with your own. Thanks to the Internet, there are cyber groups as well as groups that may offer babysitting so that parents can obtain the support they need. All parents everywhere with all kinds of children could use support. It is not limited to those with children on the spectrum. Some groups have guest speakers, plan outings to the zoo, the beach, and more. Sibling support can prove to be invaluable. Check with local resources to see what kinds of sibling support groups and/or activities are available for your child’s brother(s)/sister(s). There are several SibShops being offered by agencies in New Jersey such as the Family Support Center in Brick. In addition, they run monthly bowling events for siblings of kids with special needs. Be sure that the therapists whose services you enlist are individuals who you and your child feel comfortable with. This is a team effort; so hopefully, your service providers will try to be in touch with each other. Go with your gut instinct. If your gut screams that something is not right, then by all means, it is time to make a change. There is nothing more valuable than a parent’s intuition. Learn to go with that. LOVE. – There are no witty quips to offer. The “LOVE” comes before the “BOAT” as was stated in the beginning of this article. LOVE and Unconditional Acceptance are key ingredients in any child’s life. Just “being” with your child, sharing the space, making time to play, to have fun, to explore and to be sensitive to your child’s sensory needs are worthwhile experiences which in the end will pay off. Resources: Asperger’s Syndrome Education Network (ASPEN) • Autism Spectrum & Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities • Education • Support and advocacy programs • Meeting locations throughout NJ • Phone: (732) 321-0880 • Website: www.aspennj.org/ Parents Of Autistic Children (POAC) • All services are free of charge • Dedicated to meeting the needs of families and children • Office in Brick, NJ • Events throughout NJ • Phone: (732) 785-1099 • Website: www.poac.net/ The Family Resource Network • Offers behavioral services, guardianship services, and in home support , sibling programs • After school care, basketball camp, fitness training, out-n-about programs • Offices in Manasquan and Brick as well as other locations in the NJ • Phone: (732) 292-8020 • Website: www.familyresourcenetwork.org The Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership (GRASP) • Improve lives of adults and teens on the autism spectrum through community outreach, peer support, education, and advocacy • Support groups, online support groups, women’s group, LGBT networks, siblings groups • Website: www.GRASP.org Autistic Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN) • Works with individuals and families as well as communities to spread awareness • Run by and for Autistic people • Support and service for those who need them • Website: autisticadvocacy.org Annette L. Becklund is the Director of Annette L Becklund, MSW, LCSW & Associates LLC in Neptune, NJ specializing in Autism, Asperger’s, PDD NOS, ADHD and other unique ways of being. For more information: www.AnnetteLBecklund.com or call 732-292-2929.

God Loves Your Toenails BUT the Rest of the World Thinks They’re Gross

Rename it: “ 2-FaceBook” or “Passive Aggressive Anonymous”or “ShowYourTrueColors”

After dealing with this incredible social phenomena for some time, I have observed and have listened to countless stories of cyber bullying, various family squabbles and innuendos, announcements made that fall nothing short of “airing dirty laundry,” people trying to get back at people by posting passive-aggressive comments on a friend of a friend’s wall so that the intended receiver gets the message in much the same way that talking behind someone’s back to their best friend achieves, insults, “Lord of the Flies” post feeding frenzies,relatives of friends who friend the X- wife and X- husband to show their judgmental“I don’t agree with you and you don’t deserve to be happy” side, pictures that say, “you were left out of this,” and the list goes on. If your intention is to get back at people,be happy. You have succeeded – and yes, you hurt someone’s feelings.
I have listened to countless stories from clients who are broken hearted over information they read on the Internet. I have heard of marriages in trouble because of friendships that were rekindled via social media. Relationships suffer and families don’t pick up the phone – they post you a message that the whole world is privy to.
Very early on a young lady sent me her resume for a job. As luck would have it,as an employer, I decided to search out her name on “Passive Aggressive Anonymous” – what I saw was a plethora of pictures of underage drinking. Are you kidding me?? And you want to work for WHOM? I suggested she rethink her vocational choices and cancelled the interview – only to receive a nasty e-mail from her father informing me that “all kids drink.” Maybe. I would not have known it if those pictures were not posted for the whole world to see.
Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with a colleague who for whatever reason decided to share his thoughts about social media with me (it is an occupational hazard;people tell me things). He shared that he told his own children that if he read something important on their status update before they picked up the phone to call him about it, he would never speak to them again. He then proceeded from there to tell me his thoughts on relational skills, communication (or the lack thereof), and the inability for some to handle themselves in the business AND personal relationship world because of the overuse of social media. Sadly, I found myself agreeing as I have been paying attention to what I see. “I post office events,” said I. I must admit I felt a little guilty at first until I found out he had a profile too so that he could see pictures of his grandchildren. We sounded like we belonged on the front porch of a house in two rockers BUT, there was a great amount of wisdom in our conversation and he mirrored to me what I had been thinking about that morning.
So, if you are invested in relationships – pick up the phone or make it a point to make time to get together. Save the insults, the gossip, etc. and talk to the person you have a problem with so that the issues get resolved. Posting nasty little quips on the friend of a friend’s wall only makes matters worse and validates why your relationship fell apart anyway. If you say, “I don’t care,” admit it. YOU DO. If your toenail needs clipping, please keep that information to yourself. Though God loves your toenails, the rest of the world thinks they are pretty gross. Want someone back in your life that you have been estranged from? Call them on the phone and/or set up a time to get together to resolve the issues that separated you to begin with and leave it out of the social media. Care to join with the other cyber bullies on the cyber block? Think twice and remember what it felt like to be in that position in the schoolyard. It was not very pretty. Someone doesn’t like your sports team or political candidate or religious belief? Didn’t you ever learn any manners before? Whatever happened to respecting other’s opinions? Remember that social skills don’t but should carry over to this social phenomena. May you have a year filled with peace and think twice before you don that post with your name on it.

Greetings and Happy New Year!

As the new year begins, exciting things are about to occur. This blog is a short one. If someone clicks on the link from our newly updated website, I thought it would be a great idea for you to have something to read!

For starters, I am an occassional blogger for "Our Journey Thru Autism." Last year, one of my blogs was featured as a top ten blog: http://www.ourjourneythruautism.com/search?q=becklund

It is a blog about cartoon conversations. This is something I use frequently and like to instruct primary caregivers to do the same.

I am including the link here as there are a number of blogs written by me and posted to this wonderful site. As a person who appreciates the value of time (we have all there is), I thought I would start out with what was previously written.

Feel free to visit our website: www.AnnetteLBecklund.com

Tune in again as there is more to come!

Thanks and Happy New Year!

Annette Becklund, MSW, LCSW, NBCCHT

732-292-2929